ESP 2013

40 faces glowing with excitement, with nervousness as they take their first steps into uncertainty, and the crazy thing is I was standing in their shoes just a year ago.
And look at where I am now.

Although living in a dorm for six weeks out of the summer is not exactly something I ever desired, I have done it twice now and I wouldn't change a thing.
These kids have touched me more than I think they will know, the way they look up to me and ask me for advice and words of wisdom. It is reassuring that hey, at least some people think I'm still on the right track.

9 o'clock curfews got old, but smiling faces would wander in and visit me and listen to my life, sharing similarities and connecting with me. They would point out my talents with art and creativity, and then they would share with me theirs; jamming out on the guitar and singing old country songs, theatrically singing songs from plays and movies... and I am thankful they opened up to let me know them. Curiosity got the best of them and they nagged at me about my tattoo and what it meant; and I felt so full because they cared, they wanted to know. I mattered.

Then, the people that would open up to me about their struggles, confide in me though I didn't have many answers at all... but I listened with hope that this is what life is about. The nights filled with laughs made the hard ones dealing with their shenanigans worth it. Bonding with the kids, developing a relationship where we were comfortable with each other was an amazing experience. This is why we are meant to be in relationships with each other- it leaves you feeling so full.

See, relationships aren't beneficial to one person, both people walk away changed whether they realize it or not. Because we leave prints on people's lives- we touch them with every word we say and action we carry out, and we are touched by the words and actions of others. We learn, we grow.

Now that the last five days have arrived, I am reminiscing on the times that we have shared together this summer, and I could not imagine a different way I could have spent my summer that would have been better for me than working with the Early Success Program. I have been so blessed by sharing a time of my life with these kids, and I am so thankful that they have left an impression on me that makes me want to be better, to do better. I can only hope that I have done the same.

The power that music has

Inhale, exhale.

Listen to the sound of the drums, the melody of the guitar.

They relax your spirit, and you let your guard down and begin to soak it in.

The notes of the music enter inside of you, loosening you into a sway,

Back and forth, back and forth.

You lift your arms; the build up carries you away to a distant place,

Where worries are nonexistent and regrets are forgotten.

The person you haven’t been isn’t engrained into your mind,

Right now, you are content in the moment.

Right here, right now.

You look around you, the people surrounding you, the hundreds of them,

Smiling, waving their arms, singing along, closing their eyes;

You’ve all gathered here for the same reasons:

A momentary getaway.

You’ve all gathered here because of the power that music has:

It has the power to calm you,

To change you,

To instill a different perspective in you.

It has the ability to make you reconsider what you’ve always considered to be true,

To cause you to think for once just in the moment;

Or it can take you back a few years; to the place you first heard the song,

In the backseat of your best friends car;

It can take you right back to that exact road, painting the details of that moment with every lyric and every note.

You sway, you sing, you raise your arms,

Forget the world for a little bit; in this moment, you are here.

Dancing freely

Tonight, I am returning to my blog after two months and let me tell you I have never felt so refreshed.

I feel like it happens all too often that we frame certain things from our lives so that everyone can see and think of us a certain way. Almost as if our lives have become in-dubiously about appearance rather than about really and truly living. I'm not trying to give a social media rant, but what I am trying to say is that there are, hands-down, things we simply choose not to post to Facebook for a reason. We live so deeply in the confines of impressions and appropriateness that we almost lose the zest and passion to just live and do- whatever it is that comes to mind! Nowadays, we can't even listen to music without it automatically updating to Facebook to share with the world that you're jamming to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. We are all so connected and so deeply intertwined in everyone else's lives.

Now, I am all about Spotify. It's possibly one of the greatest inventions ever, but what I'm trying to get at is that we are so busy broadcasting our lives like we're the shit, that we miss out on incredible opportunities to be ourselves. 100% completely US. Choosing to paint a painting that we created from our own inspiration rather than pulling up Pinterest and painting the same damn anchor everyone in the world has painted simply because it's on Pinterest. We can't try to be creative anymore because it involves too much energy and time. It's much easier to be like everyone else.

But the sad thing is that there's nothing more beautiful than a person that knows exactly who they are. It is one of the most inspirational things in this world- seeing the passion glowing behind someone's eyes, the life they have from knowing what they enjoy and what they don't. It's not that they turn their head up and scoff at those who are confused as to who they are and copy others- they simply don't change because others raise their eyebrows at them.

My goal is to be more okay with being me, no matter how people take it. I definitely know who I am, and I'm tired of hanging out with people who don't. I'm tired of trying to gain the approval of people who can't open their minds and experience things that make them uncomfortable. Because that's what life is about. Life is an adventure. It's filled with uncertainties and wild changes, but it is precious and it is entirely too short. I insist on enjoying my one wild and precious life. I insist on surrounding myself with people that are different and not just like me. I insist on learning from life's curveballs and taking each day as it comes. I insist on dancing freely outside the boundaries of people's expectations and judgments... on freely choosing to do what makes me happy without hesitation. I am the happiest I have ever been and I think it's because I have stopped letting people tell me who I am and what I can and cannot do. If you do life this way, it becomes a great deal more fun. I promise.