joy is still attainable

It was a moment of inexplicable hope, one filled with great joy. Like the moment a treasure hunter first sees the glimmer of gold uncovered from digging into the earth. He reaches, he holds it in his hands and dusts off the soil, and it sparkles in the light.

The first glimmer of real hope — the day a baby drew his first breath. The world paused for a moment; there was finally hope. His feet walked upon this same earth, he stumbled along similar paths, for our God is able to sympathize with us, because he "has been tempted in every way just as we are — yet was without sin" (Hebrews 4:15).

And with the scars on his hands, with miraculous breath in his lungs, he proclaimed that he would leave us, only to come back one day. The savior who had been seen hanging from a cross was standing before his followers, alive again, to make another promise that would one day be fulfilled.

And, here we are living in the in-between. And the world we face is much different than the world our savior left behind. It's only grown more gray and gloomy and, honestly, sometimes my feet ache from just walking day to day in such a hopeless looking world. But then I look down, and I remember I am glad.

Hidden treasure. A glimmer of hope. Are you digging?

When I entered my freshman year of college, the world scared me more than it delighted me. Don't get me wrong, the world is scary, but there is beauty everywhere. A reason to be glad. A reason for joy.

I'd wake in the mornings and stir in my bed and roll back over because it was hard to see the beauty hidden in my dorm room. It was hard to see any beauty through the fog of depression, which so easily entraps us and blinds us to the hidden beauty God gives us each day.

Can you see it? The gifts poured out for us?

Just in time for Christmas, I was relishing on the moment when our precious savior won my heart back over. I remembered the way he began to stir in me and shake me, saying "If you don't look for me, you won't find me!" After he spoke to me, I finally understood. I was tickled.

I began to actively write down the gifts he gave me every day, from one to a thousand, and my heart was overflowing. The day I sat in the chair and watched a man with a needle write on my foot, I knew there was no turning back. I am glad. No matter my circumstances.

In the Bible, the Lord states that if we are looking for insight, for understanding (whether that be during hard times or just in an every day situation) and if we look for it like hidden treasure, then we will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God (Proverbs 2:1-5).

Understanding God, understanding the fear of God is the key to joy. But we have to look for it, everywhere, we have to search for it like hidden treasure, in every inch of earth, to find the glimmer of joy that comes with knowing God. Joy is active. 

Search for it as hidden treasure.

This is important. A vital message to excelling in our relationship with God. For too long, I sat in my dorm room and cried and prayed for the Lord to give me joy. What I didn't realize was that he had already given it to me. I just had to look for it. Like hidden treasure, I had to find a reason to give thanks. I had to fight to accept what he had already poured out for me on that day when his head hung low and his flesh was wounded.

I almost gave up on this life, I almost stayed in the confines of my depression, afraid to venture out. But in my sadness, he wooed me, he called to me in the darkest of my days and he begged of me to search actively for his love.

It's all around us! Can you find it?

No matter our circumstances, there is always a reason to be glad in the light of his presence. I am glad. Whether we sense his presence or not, he is with us; whether we feel it or not, he understands us completely. He walked this same earth. He felt our same hurt. If anyone can, he is able to sympathize with us. Our precious Lord was wounded for our sake.

Let us not fall complacently into depression that is so easy to get comfortable in during these days. Let us search actively, every day for a hint of his love. Sprinkled throughout our days, his love is disguised in the most beautiful ways, we simply have to find it. If we blind ourselves to his kindness with negativity, we won't find him. But if we continue communicating with him, opening our hands and thanking him for the warm shower, the one flower that has bloomed in the bush, the bird that sang on our window-pane, etc. our mood will lighten. We will find ourselves in inexpressible and glorious joy.

Let's become treasure hunters today, and unfold our hands to the creator of the earth. Let us not only find his love, but thank him for the many gifts he has poured out on us today and every day. Digest them as gifts, that we so undeservingly are awarded with each day.

If we don't look for him, we will never find him. So let's start looking.

a reflection of the most beautiful love story

Dear handsome,

Do you know what's fun?

The crooked grin you give me right before you tell me I'm adorable.

The gentleness in your eyes when you lock them with mine. The way your lips purse as though you could kiss me while we FaceTime.

The way I can see your heart break when I cry, even if you aren't here. And if you are, the way you wipe those tears and kiss my forehead wrinkles from worrying too much.

It's the way your hand fits flawlessly in mine, and feels so soft against my skin. The way you can make me cry by telling me how beautiful I am. How you love every inch of me, and praise the parts of me I hate the most.

The thing that I find the most fun is knowing that I get to marry you. Because I'm gonna... just you wait. And it's going to be more beautiful than a fairytale wedding, because it's two broken people finding the love of our God in the love they give each other. And that's pretty cool.

And it's all pretty cool because, while we credit our friends to introducing us, really it was him all along. He was scheming the day we were both born. Our very first breaths, he knew the troubles we'd overcome and the great joy we'd find when we found each other. He giggled at the thought that we'd finally have a tiny glimpse into the kind of love he provides.

And that's the craziest thing of all. That this love is just so imperfect compared to his. Because it feels so perfect to me. Even when you drive me crazy with your jokes and how you know exactly how to get under my skin, this love of ours is the best thing I've seen here on earth.

And I can't wait for our lives together. Till you hold my hands in yours, and slide that ring on my finger and-- well I'm gonna cry, just know that. Because the way you pursue me and chase me even when I fail you daily is just a representation of how well he loves us. How he calls us back to him every single time we stray, how he tells me I'm his and he never left me when I stumble, defeated, back into his "bedroom." He cups my face and asks me why I settled for so much less than I deserved. He calls me his even when I'm the messiest of them all, while he stands there in perfection.

So, here's to us. Thank you for loving me. Every goofy, nerdy, silly part of me. But most of all, thanks for loving the parts of me that are messy, that are complicated and dark. The parts of me I don't tell many people. The parts of me I try to ignore. The coldest parts of me are made warm with your words of love and adoration. You remind me of our wonderful creator in how you adore me. How you praise the parts of me I've never wanted to share.

I suppose that's the blessing of relationships. That's why he's called us to be in relationship with one another. And so, I can only hope to do the same for you. To love you when you're at your lowest, to love the deepest, darkest parts of you. I can't imagine losing you, handsome. Because I'm yours forever, now.

Our God is so humble. The way he allows other people-- his creations-- to draw us back to him when all the while, he wasn't good enough? He understands a humans heart. He understands how hard it is to imagine something that seems so foreign. But it doesn't seem so foreign now. Because I've experienced the kind of love that could win battles. I've experienced the kind of love that could tear down walls. And now I understand that we're not simply placed here, pursuing whatever we want.

How can the world not see it? The love poured out around us, everywhere? Oh it's simply the most beautiful awakening I've ever had.

So let's take on this life together. Let's learn and pursue him more than we pursue ourselves. Because without Him, would there even be love on this earth? We are so very blessed.

I love you,

Your sweetheart