It feels bad now, but it's gonna get better.

You peel yourself from your bed. You look in the mirror. The bags under your eyes seem permanent. The pain behind your eyes seems to be spilling out, so much so that you're worried people might actually notice. Might actually realize how broken you really are, no matter how hard you try to piece yourself together before you go outside. And at the end of the day, you pull the mask off. You let yourself fall onto the futon, curl up in the comfort of your room. All you want is comfort, a hug, someone to rub your back and tell you, "you're doing fine." But no one sees you, the pain you hold inside so that it physically wears you down, the nightmares of your depression slowly defeating you... and the next day you do it all again. The faces you see as you walk to class are strangers. And even the people you do know that smile and say hello- they don't know the battle you're facing; they hardly know you at all. You look in the mirror and wonder how they cannot see it as it stares you blindly in the face: the broken pieces you put together in the mornings, the fear, the loneliness, the inability to merely get up in the mornings-- you wonder how did I get here?

How do you rebuild yourself from the lowest point you've ever been? Your muffled voice attempts prayers, but your heart is heavy and it is too soon. Surely this is not the Lord's will for you. But you are literally breaking and you cannot bear this anymore. The thoughts that have always invaded your mind find a way back into it, "You will never measure up. You will never be able to make the ones you love proud. You are a failure. You are not good enough. You are selfish. You are hopeless. You have no friends." The scars of old wounds stare back at you.

It's not easy and it's not fair but you're going to have to pick yourself up and push yourself. I know you're young and you shouldn't have to face all this by yourself but God has given you this to face because He knows you are strong enough to. Admitting that you're not okay does not mean that you are weak. Admitting weakness makes you strong. You have to learn to look in the mirror and love yourself. You have to love yourself, you have to take care of yourself; don't be so hard on yourself.

You get up the next morning, brew a cup of coffee, open the blinds and smile. Just a small grin, but a grin nonetheless. You watch the wind bustle through the tress and you know that there is hope.