Veni Creator

Lord of my heart's elation,
Spirit of things unseen,
Be thou my aspiration
Consuming and serene!

Bear up, bear out, bear onward
This mortal self alone,
To selfhood or oblivion,
Incredibly thine own,--

As the foamheads are loosened
And blown along the sea,
Or sink and merge forever
In that which bids them be.

I, too, must climb in wonder,
Uplift at thy command,--
Be one with my frail fellows
Beneath the wind's strong hand,

A fleet and shadowy column
Of dust or mountain rain,
To walk the earth a moment
And be dissolved again.

Be thou my exaltation
Or fortitude of mien,
Lord of the world's elation
Thou breath of things unseen!

Bliss Carman

Walk as Jesus did.

We are called to walk in love. To live as light. God is love... if we claim to know Him, then shouldn't we, too, be love?

"This is how we know we are in Him: whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." 1 John 2:6

We are children, following in the footsteps of our loving Father. He has lavished us with love! How can we not love?! How can I be an imitator of Christ and not love my brothers and sisters? Even in hardships, even when we are constantly being put down by those surrounding us. Paul wrote to his brothers while facing persecution so that he could encourage them, love on them.

When we are in close relationship with our Father who is always faithful and loving and wise, how can our hearts not scream with joy and love... no matter what hardships press against us?

Paul says, "in all our troubles, my joy knows no bounds." (2 Corinthians 7:4) My joy knows no bounds! God comforts the downcast and Godly sorrow leaves no regret! It brings earnestness, it produces longing and concern, a readiness to see justice done!

I am ready to see justice done. I am ready to see the King whom the world despised, who poured out His life unto death, who carried upon His back my sin, my iniquities, glorified. Esteemed. The son of God interceded and was rejected by men, a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering.

Shouldn't I, then, be familiar with suffering also? If the precious King, Jesus, suffered for me, shouldn't I be more than willing to suffer for Him? If He was rejected by men as He faithfully walked upon this earth, then why should I expect praise? Why do I need approval? Applause? Jesus was pierced for my transgressions, and I am still running this race for the world?!

How ignorant am I? How prideful, how selfish? Jesus knelt down and washed the feet of those he came to save. Jesus touched the skin of those who needed healing. Jesus was wounded for me. It is the most beautiful love story ever to be told. Where I have nothing to give Him in return, but He still calls me beloved.

And here I am on earth, wanting friends who give me approval, wanting acceptance and praise. I look at my past and think how strong I am-- look, I have overcome! No. I am weak. I am the frailest of the frail. He has carried me. He has been my crutch to lean on. He is the only way I have made it through. He has provided me with breath today... air I don't deserve.

"O Lord, by your hand save me from such men, from men of this world whose reward is in this life." Psalm 17:14

Save me. My reward is not in this life. In the praises of men or the compliments of others. My reward is Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. He poured out and so will I! He walked in love and so will I! None of this is about me. It is all about Him. I persevere through this life to be called home. To hear those precious words, "well done." How I long for the day when I stand before my Father. When He wraps me in His arms. The King that loved the reviler, the Lord that rescued the broken.

Until then, I will walk in love for Him and rejoice in all that I get to endure. He is a reward far worth fighting for-- He fought for me. I will chase, every day, after my Jesus. I am His servant; He deserves the praise.

The faces.

Faces surround me,
Blurs in the distance.
And if I look at them for too long
I second guess my next paces.
I trip, I fall.

Now I have a wounded knee,
The blood quickly appears, it glistens.
I push myself up, I know I'm strong,
I look away from those faces.
Why did I look to them at all?

I look ahead with the knowledge I'm free,
Those faces are not-- they're blocked in by fences.
They shake their heads and say I'm wrong
But who are they? Have they been to the places,
Those places, so well, I can recall?

If they had, maybe then they'd see,
Maybe they'd shed their obstructed lenses
And realize that their criticisms don't belong.
Mistake after mistake, He always effaces.
While I desperately try to fulfill my call...

I will pay no attention to the faces.

The list; two months free

A moment in the background,
On the outside looking in,
Desperate for acceptance,
Feeling hollow from comparisons.

Bitter from exclusions,
Disappointment and regret,
Began dedicating herself to creating a list
Of the things with which she was blessed.

She tip-toed slowly to class
As she picked out her many things,
From one up to ten, the list quickly grew:
A flower between cracks, the cold that the winter always brings.

A leaf dancing in the wind,
The sun creeping through the blinds,
The sky's shaky reflection on the water.
There are so many things! They're so easy to find!

Before she knew it,
Two whole months had gone by,
Filled with so many blessings,
Completely transformed her outlook on life.

She saw her life in blessings,
"Oh that there is number 96," the moon full in the sky.
It had began as a search for joy,
But now she didn't even have to try.

Joy was in her every fiber,
As she smiled in thanks for the small things.
Each gift, each day was a blessing.
His graces were poured all over her life, He was pulling at her heart strings.

Even dirty dishes
Piling up in her room;
An opportunity to give thanks to Him,
In the middle of washing a spoon.

Oh, it is now so apparent
That these blessings do not run out,
The opportunity to give thanks in the here and now;
Breathe in my lungs, number 101, I've no reason to pout.

He is so precious to me,
He loves without reason.
His mercies, poured out, are new every morning,
So many blessings, He is ever-faithful, in every season.

"Why did you doubt?"

"Let me come to you on the water," Peter requests.

"Come," says Jesus.

Peter asks God to allow Him to walk on something that is impossible to walk on so that he can come to Him. In the middle of the wind and the waves, he desires drawing near to God. He steps out of the comfort of the boat and enters into the storm. He makes progress towards Jesus when he is focusing on Him. But the second he turns his eyes off of Him and onto the wind, he begins to sink. "Lord, save me!" He cries out.

"You of little faith!" Jesus says, reaching out to him, "Why did you doubt?" Naturally, it is easy to think, stupid Peter, you should have just focused on Jesus and not on the wind. But then, when we think of the times we didn't even have enough faith to climb out of the boat during the storm, we can begin to relate to Peter.

When we pray for Jesus to bring us close to Him, He expects some effort in return; some faith. The absolute best thing for us to do in the middle of chaos is to run to Jesus. But that's not so easy to do when the waters are crashing around you. Jesus calls out to us, "Come," and so we step onto the water. When we focus on Him, look to Him, marvel at Him, the wind and the waves around us seem to fade away. But when we focus on the wind, our problems, and try to make sense of how we could possibly make it to Jesus in the midst of the storm, we become overwhelmed, we doubt God's ability, His power and His ultimate strength. We see how big the waves are, how strong the wind is and forget how GREAT our God is! But in our cry for help, he reaches out to us and asks, "Why did you doubt?"

Why did we doubt that He is able? Why did we doubt His faithfulness? When, even after we took our eyes off of Him, he still came to our rescue? He pulls us into the boat of His presence and everything becomes still.

Walking with the goal of coming to Jesus is easy-- when we TRUST in Him. It's not a walk in the park... we will still be surrounded by troubles and we might be walking in the midst of the storm, but we simply must keep our eyes on Him. Look to His face and gracefully, you will walk in the middle of the wind. Don't focus on the troubles surrounding you that overwhelm you and fill you with doubt! Even when we fail to acknowledge Him, He still reaches out to us and pulls us into safety.

Yes, our problems are big and the waves are tossing around us, but our God is SO much bigger and He is calling out to us, trying to get our attention so we focus on Him. He is faithful in the storm, He is good. Even when we stumble, He is there, pulling us up. So let us walk confidently through today with our focus on our ever-present Father!

"I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other."

                Isaiah 45:5-6 

Trusting in the midst of uncertainty

Her auburn hair dances around her face,
Tickling her cheeks, itching her nose.
The wind weaves through the tangles of her salty hair,
And the sun's warmth wraps around her,
A blanket keeping her warm.

Tossing her head back,
Her shoulders shake up and down,
A smile permanently painted across her face.
His hand folds directly into hers,
As he takes in the beauty added to the world when she laughs.

Their toes stretch towards the deep blue water beneath them;
It dances without pause to the silent rhythms of the wind.
The sunlight cracks through the surface,
Creating a collage of all different shades of blue.
It masks what lies below; the ocean of the unknown.

Their eyes connect for a long moment,
Then at once they both move down- they watch the dancing waters below.
Suddenly, she stands, looks to the collage of blues below.
"I don't like not knowing," her voice carries in the wind.
His eyebrows push together, the confusion in his eyes.

"I don't like not knowing what lies below the surface."
She holds her gaze on the water, sloshing against the pier.
"It's beautiful and surely looks pleasant," she continues,
"But it could be shallow water and highly dangerous from here..."
She purses her lips and continues to think it through.

Standing up, he gently holds her arms, "It is deep enough."
She shakes her head, demanding a "how do you know."
He breathes in the salty air, "I don't."
Her face turns red with frustration and insatisfaction.
"We won't know for sure until we're down there..." He nods towards the dancing water.

"I want to know here." She crosses her arms.
The wind tosses her hair behind her shoulders.
He holds his hand out to her, and their eyes meet again, "Let's see if it is."
Slowly, her shaky hand moves towards his, falters, and then grabs it.
Her eyes are wide with fear and uncertainty.

"You can either stay here and never know the beauty of the experience,
Or you can jump, without hesitation, and fall full-force into the unknown."
A silent moment passes by, the waves of the water below rising then crashing,
Beckoning them, showing off it's beauty for the two guests.
Then, quietly, almost sounded out by the wind, she whispers, "Let's see."

Then, they jump.
The air tosses around them as they slice through the wind,
Their hearts stop-for a mere second- everything about them is still.
And after their fall, they break the surface.
First, their feet. Their knees. And finally, their chests and their heads.

They rise up, gasping for precious air that never runs out.
Breathing heavily, they make eye contact and smile with incredible joy;
They had crashed into waters far more than deep enough to safely receive them,
Waters that hugged every inch of their body, that refreshed and cleansed them.
They splash in the water, celebrate in the water, and let the water carry them for a while.

"It is fun to not know at the top, and to crash into the realization that it is vastly beyond our expectations." She smiles, laying back in the comfort of the water.
He absorbs what she said and agrees out loud,
"You just have to trust that the fall is going to bring you into something good. And then jump."
"Jumping isn't easy." She says, hesitantly, "But I am glad I jumped."

"An endless cycle of grace"

We have come to bring you glory. That is my sole purpose on this earth. I glance out the window and rain trickles from the sky, a smile appearing on my face. You are showering Your grace on me. I am a cup and You are filling me up with your grace... only to be poured out, only to be made empty again. But when I pour out Your blessings on others, You fill my emptiness, yet again, with Your blessings. Your grace never ends! My cup is overflowing... an overwhelming joy has replaced a dark depression and everything in me wants to continually pour these blessings out... to share this joy!

Is this what You wanted all along? For me to learn this lesson of grace so that my cup-full does not become stagnant? I am called to live for you by pouring out again and again because that is what you came to do! Your last moments before death, You bent down on Your knees and washed the very feet of the men you were dying for. You, the King, came as a servant and so I will be a servant.

These hands are meant to wash the feet of those around me; I am called to share Your blessings with others, to be a blessing to others. Giving thanks for this unbelievable grace is not enough... I need to give grace away! I should want to graciously give grace away... without thinking I am due any appreciation. You are the center. If my eyes focus on you and my every action becomes a song of thanks to you-- the task of homework, of dishes, of everything-- my life will be abounding in joy!

Jesus, help me to stoop down low, to be a blessing to every one I come in contact with. Help my life be a song of thanks to You and the countless blessings you have poured out on me.

"It is more blessed to give than receive." 

                                 Acts 20:35 

Change is necessary for growth

The clock strikes midnight. Another year behind us, another one awaits. Fireworks glisten in the sky, couples lean in for a good start, and glasses are raised for a "cheers."

Cheers to the New Year. Resolutions are framed in our minds, filled with goals that we think will result in the "perfect" life we've all been waiting for. And sometimes, our intentions are good... we really do want to change. But you know what they say, old habits die hard and it's much easier to stay stagnant. You lose all hope there might have been left and come to terms with the fact that some things never change. And low and behold, before you know it, the year's almost done and it's filled with the same mistakes you've made all your life and you feel like you're running on a treadmill and you just want to quit. So what really is all this fuss about? Is New Years just about party hats and New Years kisses and going out on the town?

I sure hope it's not. I like to believe that it's a reminder of the clean slate we have in Christ. And while we have the opportunity to change whenever we want, New Years is just one holiday a year that reminds us to set goals and strive for good change. Yeah, the attempts aren't always successful, but there's one important factor into that and it's persistence. Change isn't easy. Think back to any memory you may have of the biggest change in your life. Maybe your parents split up. Maybe you moved out for college. Whatever it was, I am certain that there were days when all you wished for was the comfort of the way things used to be.

And when you try to make change happen yourself, it is definitely not easy. But it takes persistence. Dedication. You have to be driven to want change. It does not happen overnight. For example, I'm about to share a really bad metaphor so bear with me. I've been teaching myself to play the guitar, and at first it was kicking my butt. It took me literally ten minutes to individually place my fingers on each string to change chords. No matter how hard I tried, my fingers did not know where to go... but every day I sat down for at least an hour, placing my fingers where they belonged, strumming, trying to work on transitions, and despite the countless (and I mean countless) failed attempts, before I knew it, my fingers had worked up the strength to transition much quicker... and now I don't even have to look in order to guide them. You see, there were days when the chords I played sounded miserable, when my fingers kept hitting the wrong strings and I literally got so frustrated I would toss the pick across the room and walk out. There were days when my fingers were so sore and I didn't want to play and I wondered if it would be worth it. But I kept going. I practiced consistently and the feeling of accomplishment is so rewarding.

I know it seems silly to compare learning guitar to life, but hear me out. If you want to work on your prayer life, you are going to have to start praying everywhere, whether it be quickly while walking to class or for a long time before you go to sleep. Sure, there will be days when you forget or when you get frustrated about it... but by all means, don't stop there. These goals and resolutions we make each year, they're not easy. They take effort and patience, but I promise you, each step of the way is worth it and eventually, you will look back and realize how each failed attempt made you that much stronger. So press on towards your goal, brace yourself for failures, but hope for growth and change.

Don't be afraid of change... it shapes us into who we are and it is necessary for growth. Put yourself outside your comfort zone this year, don't be afraid to take risks. Don't expect to never fail, expect to learn something new each time you do. Happy New Year! It is a new one just like we are made new.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17