Won through Your selfless love.

Our Eternal Father, Jesus Christ is risen! They tried to kill Him, but they couldn't.
With enough power in His hands to heal the wounded, the dead, the blind,
He submitted to the punishment we deserved and took each step with love and selflessness.
"Father forgive them," he pleaded with God of the men that had spat and cursed at Him, of those who had wanted Him killed, "for they know not what they do." The love of our Savior was endless and true.

Jesus was not intimidated or scared by death, and neither should we because we know that he defeated death; He walked out of the grave, and because of this, we will as well!
Jesus came for us, not in righteous anger or in judgment, but He came for us in love.
And if we are to be like Him, if we are to walk like Him, we are to walk every step of every day in love. Even when we are being persecuted against, we are to be patient and kind because we know the will of God and we know that their eyes have not been opened.
So when we remember that Jesus came as a servant, without being recognized as the Son of God, when we remember that he was crucified with murderers and thefts, and rose, as He claimed He would, and yet was still doubted and called a liar, we should grasp how little we are on this earth and that the way of our Father does not result in worldly praise or acceptance; but Eternal. His love made a way for us into eternity, it touched the poor, the lonely, and those that had defied and persecuted His followers.

And here we are on this Easter Sunday, remembering the stories and searching for our eggs. After reflecting on the life of Jesus today, I really grasped that Jesus is pressing on our hearts and asking us to imitate the way that He lived. Because it's not just about the cross, about an empty tomb; it is about a Savior that is all-powerful in authority and in love. He overcame death and for that we should praise His name, but we must also remember that He loved the unlovable. Those that cursed against Him and those that betrayed Him. Jesus did not tremble at death and neither should we; Jesus loved his enemies and so should we. And so, we should urgently and fervently love and spread the hope of Jesus Christ as though our time is fleeting, because it is. He proclaims, "I am coming soon!" How numb we have grown to this saying we hear every Easter. But each day that passes, He is closer to returning and our time to spread His love is running out. It shouldn't be a chore, something we feel we need to do in return for His crucifixion; every cell in our body should desire to love those around us, both the lovable and the unlovable, because we should want to be like our Father. We are able to preach the words of our Savior with our actions, through love because that was every fiber of Jesus' being. He was love. He came and He left in love. He is the only way that we can hope all things, endure all things.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This verse is used all too often to describe spouses or boyfriends and girlfriends while it so clearly matches every aspect of Jesus. He is each of these things! He is patient and He is kind, He doesn't envy or boast- even after He defeated the grave. He is not arrogant or rude, insisting on His own way, He gave us free will so that we have the ability to choose. He is not irritable or resentful; He grieves at wrongdoing and rejoices with the truth because He is the truth. Our Jesus definitely hoped in the truth and endured and bore our many sins upon this earth. This passage is clearly describing our Savior; the definition of love. So we, too, should be immovable in love because our Father is trustworthy and credibile! His love made a way for us and our mistakes are overlooked by His authority. He is calling us home, but it would be selfish not to share this with those who have hurt us, those that persecute us. Because I have hurt and persecuted Jesus with my actions one too many times, and His forgiveness is always faithful. So we should be patient and kind with even those who hurt us. We should not envy or boast in anything but our Savior. Everything we do should point back to Jesus, rather than insisting on our own way. We shouldn't be irritable or resentful, rejoicing when our enemies do wrong because we should remember the grace that Has been given to us. We should rejoice in the truth and in Jesus. We should bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things as Jesus endured our sins.

"Oh, to see my name

Written in the wounds,

For through your suffering I am free.

Death is crushed to death,

Life is mine to live,

            Won through Your selfless love."  

Covered by the scandal of grace.

The Father's arms are always wide open... Even when His children mess up. When we deliberately disobey. He always claims us. He commands us not to do something, and even after we do it, completely taking for granted His sacrifice and mercy, He yet again covers us with grace and does not hold our shortcomings against us. He doesn't ask us to hide the evidence of our mistakes in the presence of other people, He loves and accepts us just as we are... always.

He doesn't angrily yell rude or harsh things that cut you to the core; His goal is not to belittle you, it is to grow you. His forgiveness is unreal and such a beautiful thing that no human is capable of replicating it. His forgiveness is the result of His perfection.

As humans, we often spew out lies in a rage of hurt and anger in a pitiful effort to make ourselves feel better. But Jesus doesn't need to feel better about Himself. And when we realize our worth and meaning in His name, gradually, the need to make ourselves feel better lessens because we are His! And we are covered by this incredible scandal of grace that we don't deserve in the least.

Remember the story of Adam and Eve: they began to doubt God's command for them and thought of themselves and becoming more like God; their desire to make themselves bigger. After this, they covered themselves up and hid the fact that they had disobeyed. But the Lord called to them and spoke without hate or disgust. He laid out the consequences of their deliberate disobedience, but still, He chose to cover them in garments of skin-- much nicer than the fig leaves they had provided themselves with. He chose to cover them in grace. And then He gave His son's life in exchange for their disobedience.

I am caught up in this grace that I do not deserve, and though I accept, still fail to relish and appreciate it to it's full extent. I know I literally blog about this all the time, but I guess it's just something I cannot get over. I see symbols of His love and forgiveness all the time. And though they aren't a perfect match, the imperfections in them make me all the more astounded at the complete selflessness of Jesus' mercy.

You see, I recently made the decision to deliberately disobey my parents. They warned me the consequences of my actions, but I was solely concerned with my desires. I didn't understand why they disapproved, but I suppose neither did Adam and Eve. It's just one of those things where, here God was letting them live in this beautiful garden to freely eat anything but that one tree, and their focus was on that one tree rather than the rest of the garden. While my parents said no to one thing I wanted, they have given me so incredibly much and made so many sacrifices for me throughout my whole life. But, selfishly, I could only focus on the one thing they disapproved of that I really wanted. Now I sit here in the consequences and it truly makes me sick that I have disappointed them so much, but I also rejoice in their ability to forgive me like my precious Father in heaven has forgiven us. I have brought heartache to them, but they still bless me with their love and approval; they still claim me.

I see and understand now how truly selfish I was being in my decision to disobey my parents, and am so ashamed of my decision to go behind my parents' back instead of seeking a compromise and sitting down with them and trying to talk with them. They did not deserve my defiance, but they have chosen to love me in spite of it. I truly have learned to look at what I do have instead of what I don't have. I was looking at the boundaries instead of the huge amounts of blessings my parents have lavished on me, sacrificing their time and their desires so that I can be happy. Their selflessness makes me embarrassed of my selfish decision to disobey them.

And now, this parallel has reminded me just how unreal it is that the Father has forgiven me. That He forgives me. Time and time again. He doesn't keep count and He doesn't hold the many sins I commit against me and make me feel guilty about them. My mind just cannot fathom this kind of love and grace. Jesus continues to show me what true love looks like and I so desperately want to continue to follow in His steps.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

    slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,

    nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve

    or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

    so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,

    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,

    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him"

                                                                                                    Psalm 103:8-13 

 

Taste and see that the Lord is good!

Today, I had an amazing conversation with an incredibly strong woman of God who openly confessed, "I read your blog." After her "confession," we proceeded to talk about our similar struggles and similar frustrations. "I just don't know how you so openly post about all of your struggles... you are so brave."

After she said these words, I sort of sat for a moment and remembered my journey to becoming comfortable with being so transparent. My mind flashed back to high school, to wearing long sleeves, to wasting away because of all the anger I held inside. To putting on a face for my family, to feeling so completely alone with everything I went through. I began to think that because I was struggling I was not worthy of Jesus, that I was not worthy of going to church because I wasn't as "good" as everyone else. I felt judged from everyone around me and allowed so many lies to fill my mind that I began to see them as the truth.

But I was missing the entire picture of who Jesus is. He doesn't love me for my perfection, He loves me despite my imperfections (each and every one of them). If I was perfect, the story of Jesus and His crucifixion would lose so much of it's beauty. So shouldn't I rejoice in my weaknesses? My shortcomings? My struggles? The hardships that I face are not something to hide from others so that I can appear seemingly perfect, they are opportunities to point upward to Christ saying, "yeah, I mess up all the time. I am not perfect. But He loves me the same each time."

Coming to Clemson, I learned the valuable lesson that Jesus' wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of my problems. Each hardship I face, problem I encounter has the ability to transform me little by little into the masterpiece that Jesus created me to be. My mistakes and struggles mold me into a more beautiful person, so shouldn't I overflow with joy because of them? I remember asking God "Why me? It's not fair!" But to my own dismay, 3 months later, I am telling a twenty-something year old, "I would not change a thing because I learned to love my imperfections, to rejoice in hardships and be thankful for them."

After over an entire year of being clean from cutting, while in relationship with Christ, I relapsed and felt absolutely terrible. I hid it. I was ashamed. Back in the same exact place I had been in high school. But I grieved to the Lord and He filled my heart. He reminded me of His goodness, that He works everything for my good (Romans 8:28) and that just because I struggle with the same thing does not make me any less a Christian... just human. And then, I stumbled across the incredibly comforting Psalm 34:

"I will extol the Lord at all times;

    his praise will always be on my lips.

 I will glory in the Lord;

    let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me;

    let us exalt his name together.

 I sought the Lord, and he answered me;

    he delivered me from all my fears.

 Those who look to him are radiant;

    their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;

    he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,

    and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good;

    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Fear the Lord, you his holy people,

    for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry,

    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;

    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Whoever of you loves life

    and desires to see many good days,

 keep your tongue from evil

    and your lips from telling lies.

Turn from evil and do good;

    seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

    and his ears are attentive to their cry;

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

    to blot out their name from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

 he delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,

 but the Lord delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,

    not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;

    the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

The Lord will rescue his servants;

    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned."

Oh this passage hit me so hard... I will extol the Lord AT ALL TIMES. Not just when life is happy-go-lucky and not simply when life is difficult. All the time. Highs and lows. Through seasons of joy and seasons of hardships. His praise will ALWAYS be on my lips. Oh, and when I look to Him, He makes me radiant! Shining with joy, he restores and revives me! I never have to look down with shame, even if I just messed up... even if I feel unworthy.

I find it especially interesting that this passage says both "His praise will always be on my lips" and "Taste and see that the Lord is good." This could be a stretch, but this could be insinuating that as long as His praise is on our lips, we can taste His goodness. Even when we don't praise Him, we can know He is good, but I think that really tasting His goodness requires us to praise Him, to thank Him each and every day for His outpouring of blessings onto our lives.

When we taste his goodness, we are reminded that even when we mess up and fail, He is still good and we can still praise Him. And I think this is where we learn to boast in our shortcomings. This gives us the ability and courage to speak out about our struggles with confidence and strength. So no matter what tomorrow brings, we can be confident that the Lord is good and that He is able to bring good from everything. Once we realize this, our lives should become more about showing His goodness through our hardships rather than trying to make ourselves look good by hiding our imperfections.

Small, indeed.

What we do may feel insignificant,
Of little impact, petty.
We are not called to do big things,
But just do that which we can
With excellence and love,
To point it back to Him.