Covered by the scandal of grace.

The Father's arms are always wide open... Even when His children mess up. When we deliberately disobey. He always claims us. He commands us not to do something, and even after we do it, completely taking for granted His sacrifice and mercy, He yet again covers us with grace and does not hold our shortcomings against us. He doesn't ask us to hide the evidence of our mistakes in the presence of other people, He loves and accepts us just as we are... always.

He doesn't angrily yell rude or harsh things that cut you to the core; His goal is not to belittle you, it is to grow you. His forgiveness is unreal and such a beautiful thing that no human is capable of replicating it. His forgiveness is the result of His perfection.

As humans, we often spew out lies in a rage of hurt and anger in a pitiful effort to make ourselves feel better. But Jesus doesn't need to feel better about Himself. And when we realize our worth and meaning in His name, gradually, the need to make ourselves feel better lessens because we are His! And we are covered by this incredible scandal of grace that we don't deserve in the least.

Remember the story of Adam and Eve: they began to doubt God's command for them and thought of themselves and becoming more like God; their desire to make themselves bigger. After this, they covered themselves up and hid the fact that they had disobeyed. But the Lord called to them and spoke without hate or disgust. He laid out the consequences of their deliberate disobedience, but still, He chose to cover them in garments of skin-- much nicer than the fig leaves they had provided themselves with. He chose to cover them in grace. And then He gave His son's life in exchange for their disobedience.

I am caught up in this grace that I do not deserve, and though I accept, still fail to relish and appreciate it to it's full extent. I know I literally blog about this all the time, but I guess it's just something I cannot get over. I see symbols of His love and forgiveness all the time. And though they aren't a perfect match, the imperfections in them make me all the more astounded at the complete selflessness of Jesus' mercy.

You see, I recently made the decision to deliberately disobey my parents. They warned me the consequences of my actions, but I was solely concerned with my desires. I didn't understand why they disapproved, but I suppose neither did Adam and Eve. It's just one of those things where, here God was letting them live in this beautiful garden to freely eat anything but that one tree, and their focus was on that one tree rather than the rest of the garden. While my parents said no to one thing I wanted, they have given me so incredibly much and made so many sacrifices for me throughout my whole life. But, selfishly, I could only focus on the one thing they disapproved of that I really wanted. Now I sit here in the consequences and it truly makes me sick that I have disappointed them so much, but I also rejoice in their ability to forgive me like my precious Father in heaven has forgiven us. I have brought heartache to them, but they still bless me with their love and approval; they still claim me.

I see and understand now how truly selfish I was being in my decision to disobey my parents, and am so ashamed of my decision to go behind my parents' back instead of seeking a compromise and sitting down with them and trying to talk with them. They did not deserve my defiance, but they have chosen to love me in spite of it. I truly have learned to look at what I do have instead of what I don't have. I was looking at the boundaries instead of the huge amounts of blessings my parents have lavished on me, sacrificing their time and their desires so that I can be happy. Their selflessness makes me embarrassed of my selfish decision to disobey them.

And now, this parallel has reminded me just how unreal it is that the Father has forgiven me. That He forgives me. Time and time again. He doesn't keep count and He doesn't hold the many sins I commit against me and make me feel guilty about them. My mind just cannot fathom this kind of love and grace. Jesus continues to show me what true love looks like and I so desperately want to continue to follow in His steps.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

    slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,

    nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve

    or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

    so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,

    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,

    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him"

                                                                                                    Psalm 103:8-13