Taste and see that the Lord is good!

Today, I had an amazing conversation with an incredibly strong woman of God who openly confessed, "I read your blog." After her "confession," we proceeded to talk about our similar struggles and similar frustrations. "I just don't know how you so openly post about all of your struggles... you are so brave."

After she said these words, I sort of sat for a moment and remembered my journey to becoming comfortable with being so transparent. My mind flashed back to high school, to wearing long sleeves, to wasting away because of all the anger I held inside. To putting on a face for my family, to feeling so completely alone with everything I went through. I began to think that because I was struggling I was not worthy of Jesus, that I was not worthy of going to church because I wasn't as "good" as everyone else. I felt judged from everyone around me and allowed so many lies to fill my mind that I began to see them as the truth.

But I was missing the entire picture of who Jesus is. He doesn't love me for my perfection, He loves me despite my imperfections (each and every one of them). If I was perfect, the story of Jesus and His crucifixion would lose so much of it's beauty. So shouldn't I rejoice in my weaknesses? My shortcomings? My struggles? The hardships that I face are not something to hide from others so that I can appear seemingly perfect, they are opportunities to point upward to Christ saying, "yeah, I mess up all the time. I am not perfect. But He loves me the same each time."

Coming to Clemson, I learned the valuable lesson that Jesus' wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of my problems. Each hardship I face, problem I encounter has the ability to transform me little by little into the masterpiece that Jesus created me to be. My mistakes and struggles mold me into a more beautiful person, so shouldn't I overflow with joy because of them? I remember asking God "Why me? It's not fair!" But to my own dismay, 3 months later, I am telling a twenty-something year old, "I would not change a thing because I learned to love my imperfections, to rejoice in hardships and be thankful for them."

After over an entire year of being clean from cutting, while in relationship with Christ, I relapsed and felt absolutely terrible. I hid it. I was ashamed. Back in the same exact place I had been in high school. But I grieved to the Lord and He filled my heart. He reminded me of His goodness, that He works everything for my good (Romans 8:28) and that just because I struggle with the same thing does not make me any less a Christian... just human. And then, I stumbled across the incredibly comforting Psalm 34:

"I will extol the Lord at all times;

    his praise will always be on my lips.

 I will glory in the Lord;

    let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me;

    let us exalt his name together.

 I sought the Lord, and he answered me;

    he delivered me from all my fears.

 Those who look to him are radiant;

    their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;

    he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,

    and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good;

    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Fear the Lord, you his holy people,

    for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry,

    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;

    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Whoever of you loves life

    and desires to see many good days,

 keep your tongue from evil

    and your lips from telling lies.

Turn from evil and do good;

    seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

    and his ears are attentive to their cry;

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

    to blot out their name from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

 he delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,

 but the Lord delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,

    not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;

    the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

The Lord will rescue his servants;

    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned."

Oh this passage hit me so hard... I will extol the Lord AT ALL TIMES. Not just when life is happy-go-lucky and not simply when life is difficult. All the time. Highs and lows. Through seasons of joy and seasons of hardships. His praise will ALWAYS be on my lips. Oh, and when I look to Him, He makes me radiant! Shining with joy, he restores and revives me! I never have to look down with shame, even if I just messed up... even if I feel unworthy.

I find it especially interesting that this passage says both "His praise will always be on my lips" and "Taste and see that the Lord is good." This could be a stretch, but this could be insinuating that as long as His praise is on our lips, we can taste His goodness. Even when we don't praise Him, we can know He is good, but I think that really tasting His goodness requires us to praise Him, to thank Him each and every day for His outpouring of blessings onto our lives.

When we taste his goodness, we are reminded that even when we mess up and fail, He is still good and we can still praise Him. And I think this is where we learn to boast in our shortcomings. This gives us the ability and courage to speak out about our struggles with confidence and strength. So no matter what tomorrow brings, we can be confident that the Lord is good and that He is able to bring good from everything. Once we realize this, our lives should become more about showing His goodness through our hardships rather than trying to make ourselves look good by hiding our imperfections.