Immense company in aloneness

Ever sat alone in Starbucks? Just sat and listened to the mix of voices that dance in the air around you? And in that moment when everyone around you is delving further into conversation, you suddenly get this feeling that you're invisible, and if you were to get up and dance around or wave your arms, not a soul would notice and the conversations would carry on steadily and uninterrupted.

These types of moments fascinate me. The irony is that you can feel so utterly alone when you are, in fact, sitting in a room filled with people socializing. Everyone but you. And your mind almost naturally drifts off to the people you wish were sitting in front of you, accompanying you. Part of your soul longs for them to magically walk in, smile when they see you, and sit down. But this doesn't happen and you continue to sit and watch those around you. Almost in a trance. You keep thinking, "I should get up, I should get up," but a part of you enjoys this time. Part of you relishes in your utter aloneness and the fact that these strangers don't even notice you. It makes you deflate a little, realizing that the huge and overwhelming things that stress you out daily, that suffocate you-- they're not that big after all. And these people surrounding you, they're all just trying to safely navigate through life as well. And maybe, if you were to converse with them, they'd be able to identify with those circumstances which unsettle you, make you feel a little less shitty and a little more like a human being. Although you don't, and you choose to conform to the social rules society has so cleverly structured in our lives, just the knowledge of the possibility of being identified with is enough to motivate you to stand up, gather your belongings, and carry yourself with more confidence; with strength and grace, because you're not in over your head, after all. And those circumstances which suck, they're not a determinant of the ones to come and they're definitely not the worst circumstances this world has seen.

Sometimes, there is immense company in being alone. No one is ever alone in being alone. Every human being can identify with another on some level, and that in itself is enough comfort to keep going.