Even when I don't want to, even when it hurts, I know that the Lord's plans are far better than anything I could plan for myself. But sometimes I convince myself that I'm strong enough to "go this one alone" or to handle it by myself. I see the brokenness in my relationships with the one's love and I try to fix it with empty words and thoughtless actions instead of bringing the situation to God in His ultimate perfection. And when the situation remains in the exact same state, I become frustrated with myself and my incapability and I carry the burden with me throughout my day. I get so caught up in trying to be my own god that sometimes I forget about the actual God that saved me in the midst of my sinfulness.
But Jesus doesn't want me to try to be my own god. He calls me to surrender to Him. He wants me to recognize my inability, my brokenness, my imperfection as an opportunity to learn about His abilities, His complete fullness, and His perfection.
When I try to be my own god, I feel burnt out and hopeless far too often. I feel exhausted and discouraged because I'm not supposed to carry all of my burdens on my own; I am called to rely on Jesus for His strength, His ability, and His encouragement. A relationship with Him brings joy instead of momentary happiness and a feeling of peace in the middle of tribulation. But it also calls for me to surrender myself to His will for my life in the trust that He has something incredible planned for me.
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." - James 4:8
Jesus, I have fought for so long in an effort to appear perfect. But, Lord, I am not perfect. I pray that you would have your way in me, that you would allow me to let go of the things I'm grasping desperately to that aren't you. They don't offer the joy that a relationship with you does, so help me to be vulnerable and to come to you instead of being stubborn and weighed down by the weight of my burdens. Help me to give them over to you. Thank you for your mercy, God, thank you for your relentless and perfect love.
Like a rushing wind,
Jesus breathe within
Lord have your way,
Lord have your way in me.
Like a mighty storm,
Stir within my soul,
Lord have your way,
Lord have your way in me;
I surrender.
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