The hard lesson of forgiveness.

Lately, I’ve been wrestling with the topic of forgiveness. It’s not an easy topic. It’s not easy to do. When I’ve held a grudge for so long, sometimes it just feels impossible to give it up. Because a lot of the times, I give myself excuse after excuse to not forgive somebody. I tell myself that they’ve continually wronged me again and again and I just can’t bring myself to forgive them because they’ve hurt me too much. They’ve gone too far. And they don’t deserve to be forgiven. 

But wait… wasn’t that me? Isn’t that me? I have wronged Jesus again and again, but He somehow brought himself to forgiving me despite the infinite amounts of times that I’ve hurt him, that I’ve disappointed him. I ran so far from him and I didn’t deserve to be forgiven, but He forgave me anyway. And He continues to forgive me every day as I continually fail him, as I continually turn my back on him and choose sin. 

So, now what? I see the beauty of forgiveness applied in my life. I see the beauty in the Father’s constant forgiveness and mercy as a result of my fallen state. And He doesn’t want me to be worn down by the grudge I’m holding. He doesn’t want me to carry that burden. He wants me to give it to Him. He wants me to forgive like He forgave me. Even when it hurts, when I don’t want to. But He knows what’s best for me, so I’m laying it at His feet.

Jesus, I don’t understand your forgiveness. I know that I am so lost and that without you there is no hope. I have been carrying these burdens for far too long, Lord, and they are wearing me down to the core. I know that I need to lay them at your feet. Help me forgive the people around me like you forgave me. Help me to put aside my stubbornness; help me to be humbled by your love and mercy. Jesus, I need you to take these burdens off my shoulders because I am not capable of carrying them anymore and they are making me bitter and hateful. Please forgive me of my pride, of my selfishness and hard-headedness. Thank you for your gift of forgiveness. 

⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

- Romans 5:8