The beauty in the story.

Mary. Joseph. Jesus. And that is how the story goes.

We hear it every year, we sing songs about it, and then we continue on with our Christmas traditions in a hurry to get to our presents. But this year, instead of the hustle and bustle of Christmas, I decided to spend some time with the Nativity Story and I was enthralled with the beauty of the incredible story we so often tune out. I was so taken aback by Mary's incredible faith. To remain faithful to the Lord's will for her life despite the hateful words against her and the judgments of her. Faithfully, she said, "I am the Lord's servant. May your word to me be fulfilled." (Luke 1:38) She knew people would talk badly of her, she knew that it would wouldn't be an easy path ahead of her, nor would it be without any uncertainty and fear, but she took it as an honor and bore her purpose with honor.

And now, here we are. It's December 26th and you know what that means: time to put away the Nativity Story until next year. But why? Why should our amazement with this miracle stop after Christmas? Shouldn't we at least attempt to be mindful of it every day? Wouldn't that change our perspective of life... to remember how Mary was called unfaithful, dishonest... but took the task head on, saying, "From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name." (Luke 1:48 & 49) The day after Christmas does not mean that our enthrallment with Christ's unbelievable sacrifice should be any less. We should be enthralled every day. We should remember His humility.

There was no room in the manger... but that did not stop Christ! There may not be room in your heart for Him... but that will not stop the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. If you open up your heart and let Him enter in, if you let yourself become vulnerable with His abounding love, the Nativity Story will begin to feel new every time you hear it. It should melt your heart, that the Son of God would become man and be brutally murdered for your account. Because He loved you. He loves you. Every day He loves you the same. So, every day we should reflect on His love. Don't become calloused to hearing it. Don't turn a blind eye to the story's beauty.


Jesus, how you have blessed me! My heart is so full. A present under the tree could not provide me with this overflowing joy. Your story of humility, of sacrifice, of unbelievable love, Jesus, it gets me every time. Help me every day to soften my heart... to remember your beauty and your love for me. Help me to display that love to every single person that I encounter. Jesus, you have called me beloved. I just can't manage to figure out why but I am so so thankful. Thank you for your faithfulness, thank you for your love. Help me to be faithful to your call and to take it head-on.

A chasing after the wind.

Ecclesiastes takes me through so many wise words, I don't even know where to begin. The teacher speaking begins by describing the longings and areas that most men and women search for their identities in as "meaningless."

Oh, can I relate. Before Jesus, I thought I'd be happy if I had more friends, if I felt prettier, or if I was desired by boys. But when I was surrounded with "friends", after I felt "prettier", and after the many compliments from boys that I had fished for... I was still empty. I wanted better friends, I wanted to feel even prettier. And the empty compliments did not make me feel any more worthy. My success of getting into Clemson still failed to bring me all of the happiness that I had wanted. Meaningless. Without Jesus, everything left me empty and dry.

But when I remember how He rescued me from my hardest days, how He continues to carry me when it all becomes too much, how MY life and story can be used to inspire and draw people to Him... man, my life suddenly is filled with incredible meaning. Because I am caught up in something so much bigger than simply myself. Because now, I'm no longer chasing after the wind... I'm chasing after God.

When I got to Ecclesiastes 7, I was so overwhelmed with joy. Because I was just talking to a friend about this... that He has granted me these hardships to teach me lessons about His goodness. Verse 3 says, "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." The footnote says, "Happy times generally teach us less than hard times." Whoa. Okay. Wouldn't I rather learn more about Jesus than be happy all the time? And then, chapter 8 verse 4, "Since a king's word is supreme, who can say to him, 'What are you doing?'" Oh, how often I ask God that question. Continually, I have pleaded with God, asking, "Why me? Why this again?" And then, "Are you sure, God?" Well of course He is sure... everything about God is sure! I wanted things to be perfect, to be happy and comfortable. But sometimes, God calls us to be uncomfortable. To be adventurous and not play it safe. Chapter 11 verse 1 reads, "Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again."

God has brought me through these storms ultimately to teach me to lean solely on Him. To show me my dependence on Him. Because during the happy, the comfortable times, I often become deceived and believe that I am capable of going it alone. But I am not. I am a sinner, I continually mess up. And, so, He brings me to my knees only to reveal to me, yet again, that I need Him.

So, what if I started living in such a bold way that I had to lean on Him everyday? What if everyday took so much courage, that I had to be like, "Okay, Jesus I need you. I cannot do any of this without you"? How much would I learn about my incredible Father?

You see, the beauty isn't in the rising up and overcoming hardships and entering into a blessed, perfect life. No, the beautiful faith is always in the stumbling, the falling on knees all too often, the proclaiming of His goodness in the very midst of pain-- not on the other side. Because it's always easy to proclaim God's goodness when the hardships are a thing of the past and your reward is already in your hands. But choosing to walk alongside Him in the darkness, filled with tears and tribulation, being surrounded by pain and hurt and yet choosing to point up and say, "My God is so good. He is still good and I still choose to walk with Him," that is inspirational faith. That is the faith I want to portray. I don't want an easy life... I want a life that makes absolutely no sense to continue living without God.

Reminiscing on first semester.

Community. A friend who doesn't run when you tell them that you're falling apart. A friend who is patient on the days when you don't think you can make it through. And on the days when you can only be, they sit and they simply be with you. True friendship is beautiful. When you have nothing to give them in return, they continually give to you. Today is the last day of my first semester at Clemson. And while it has been filled with some of the most difficult hardships I have ever faced, I have made it through and I wouldn't change a single second of it. Not only have I learned so much about my incredible Father... I have also learned so much about intentional friendships. The Lord has blessed me with the best friends in the world here at school. Friends that I can be transparent with; that I don't have to hold myself together for them. Friends that have taught me so much about prayer, about patience and strength. The community He has provided me with is so incredible. I am so thankful for all of the people who I get the privilege of "doing life" with every single day. It is so incredible how much God can teach me in such a short amount of time.
Sometimes when I'm feeling nostalgic, I become sad by how quickly life has seemed to pass by, but then I remember how full my life has been. Full of friends, full of smiles, full of comforting shoulders to cry on, encouraging words, support from friends and even strangers, full of laughter and jokes, full of favorite songs, of embarrassing moments, disheartening moments that always shape and grow, and full of life. Mistakes. Successes. Triumphs. Failures. Lessons learned. Lessons ignored. I'm still on this road and there's so much more to come, but when I look back and revel on how blessed my life has been thus far, I can't help but smile in the hopes of an incredible future- walking side by side with my Father each step of the way. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for next semester.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up, but pity the man who falls down and has no one to pick him up." -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Two weeks free.

Stronger.
Braver.
With each passing day, I am shaking these chains clasped around my ankles.
They no longer bind me; I am a prisoner set free!
So undeserving, so unworthy, I am moved to my knees.
It's unbelievable and incredible; it makes absolutely no sense
That a Savior, perfect and blameless, would undergo a brutal death for my sins.

Again and again, I have chosen bondage when I was made to freely live.
I would not accept it, that me in my brokenness, He was able to forgive.
Shot down by the world, knocked down one too many times,
I sat there in my hopelessness; and on my wrist were those lines.
Those scars, those fresh wounds that mocked me and stared back, begging me to give in.
But the hissing of lies was drowned out by a comforting voice, drawing me to Him.

"You are more, you are perfectly made, you are loved, you have a purpose, you are not alone,"
He spoke right to my heart words I had heard before but never actually believed
I was filled with wonder, finally able to see that I had been deceived.
"I have not left you, I am right here,
I have been calling your name, but you chose not to hear.
You are my daughter, I have so much in store for you!
You are precious; so believe it! You have been made new!"
In my darkest time, His light still managed to shine,
He has called me worthy! I am His and He is mine!

The pressures of this world can be exhausting, leaving you empty and burnt out,
But Jesus calls out to us saying, "Come to the waters, all who are thirsty, come and be filled!"
You see, when you're in communion with Jesus there is no such thing as a drought!
His abundance makes up for our lack;
We are welcome to draw near to Him even after veering off track.
We are not worthy, but He chooses to see past our mistakes;
Our unworthiness is swallowed up by His love and His grace.

Victory in perfect Love.

Breathe in, breathe out,
Feel release as your chest rises and falls.
The light at the end of the tunnel, does it not make you want to shout?
Like despite all of the pain and the darkness, a greater purpose calls?
Hold unswervingly to that hope,
Let His strength enter in; let it absorb into your bones.

Get up, stand tall and firm!
Watch as the ashes transform into unbelievable beauty.
An incredible victory; oh, how the tables have turned!
Now I am rejoicing, thanking Him for this hardship, thanking Him for His love, thanking Him truly.
He calls me beloved; I am precious in his eyes!
How could that ever get old: that I am His prize?!

Spread this hope, tell everyone you can!
Christ has pieced me back together; His perfect love has brought healing to my calloused heart.
At one point, I wanted death, now He has given me joy to live again!
He hung on a cross, he defeated death for my sin.
His love surpasses all failures, surmounts all doubt,
It makes up for all my lack; His love has brought me out!

Find your joy. Run with it.

We plaster over our cracks, glue together our broken pieces, and put on a happy face. We pretend like we're okay until we reach the point where we're the farthest thing from it. Why do we place so much value on the approval of others? As selfish as we are, I think we are selfish for others. We want cute clothes so others like us. We want a nice car so others think we're cool. We push ourselves to a breaking point, always trying to appear perfect so that needing help is unusual-- intriguing to others. That is a good kind of selfish... the kind where you put yourself first and begin to take care of yourself. And yet, the bad forms of selfishness are overlooked as normal, accepted, expected.

For the longest time, I have been the bad kind of selfish-- in order to gain the approval of others so I feel good about myself. But I have continually neglected my deeper needs-- the parts of me that were aching to be taken care of. But I ignored taking care of myself. Because I just wanted to appear normal. Well I've given the people in my life too much power. I've let them determine my happiness and every time have ended up heart broken and upset. But now, it's time for a change. I'm done trying to be happy for my family, for my friends. I'm done trying to look a certain way to be beautiful. I'm done blending in and standing in the background because I'm insecure. I'm going to begin trying to be happy for me. I'm going to value myself. I'm going to start doing things for me and I'm not going to let anyone give me hard time about it. "Find what makes you happy and RUN with it." I'm gonna get better. I'm not gonna cry over crappy friends. I'm not gonna sit around feeling worthless. Because there's a point when selfless becomes senseless and you have to step up and pull yourself together.

The eyes you use to see right now... they are clouded-- you cannot see that you are loved, beautiful, original and cherished. But you have to try a little harder to see around the fog. You have to figure out what's standing in the way. You are so strong. You can do this. I promise you. You have made it this far. Keep setting small goals. Baby steps. You have so many people cheering you on... but now it's your turn to cheer yourself on. Don't be ashamed.. you were granted this hardship in order to later shine God's glory. He's all over this. You know He's never left you. He has carried you all this way. After all, you're still here, aren't you?

Christ has set us free!

Breathe in the pain. Sit with your discontent. Absorb the anger that runs through your veins. Be still and know that He is God. Don't mask it. Don't cover it up and pretend like everything is okay. Sometimes life isn't okay. So hand it over to God. Hand it over to Him! Don't let your bitterness and anger hold you in bondage! Don't let your discontentment hold you back from the life that you truly deserve! Tell God how you feel. Be real with Him because He hears your every thought and He knows your every feeling.

If you carry these things inside of you, you will become weighed down, angry, and unmotivated. But if you open your lips and say, "Lord, I'm hurting. I'm angry and exhausted and I don't feel you in my life right now," His peace will surround you. Or, "Lord, it's hard for me to find anything to be joyful about; it's hard to even smile most days," He will open your eyes and reveal to you the multitude of blessings that are surrounding you. Wrestle with God, beg to see those blessings. Because they're everywhere.

If you carry these things alone, they will only weigh you down and do you harm. But if you hand them over to God, you will be free! You are free!

Thank you for the frustrations. Thank you for the pain, for the hardships, for making me a better person by undergoing them. Thank you.

"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1