A chasing after the wind.

Ecclesiastes takes me through so many wise words, I don't even know where to begin. The teacher speaking begins by describing the longings and areas that most men and women search for their identities in as "meaningless."

Oh, can I relate. Before Jesus, I thought I'd be happy if I had more friends, if I felt prettier, or if I was desired by boys. But when I was surrounded with "friends", after I felt "prettier", and after the many compliments from boys that I had fished for... I was still empty. I wanted better friends, I wanted to feel even prettier. And the empty compliments did not make me feel any more worthy. My success of getting into Clemson still failed to bring me all of the happiness that I had wanted. Meaningless. Without Jesus, everything left me empty and dry.

But when I remember how He rescued me from my hardest days, how He continues to carry me when it all becomes too much, how MY life and story can be used to inspire and draw people to Him... man, my life suddenly is filled with incredible meaning. Because I am caught up in something so much bigger than simply myself. Because now, I'm no longer chasing after the wind... I'm chasing after God.

When I got to Ecclesiastes 7, I was so overwhelmed with joy. Because I was just talking to a friend about this... that He has granted me these hardships to teach me lessons about His goodness. Verse 3 says, "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." The footnote says, "Happy times generally teach us less than hard times." Whoa. Okay. Wouldn't I rather learn more about Jesus than be happy all the time? And then, chapter 8 verse 4, "Since a king's word is supreme, who can say to him, 'What are you doing?'" Oh, how often I ask God that question. Continually, I have pleaded with God, asking, "Why me? Why this again?" And then, "Are you sure, God?" Well of course He is sure... everything about God is sure! I wanted things to be perfect, to be happy and comfortable. But sometimes, God calls us to be uncomfortable. To be adventurous and not play it safe. Chapter 11 verse 1 reads, "Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again."

God has brought me through these storms ultimately to teach me to lean solely on Him. To show me my dependence on Him. Because during the happy, the comfortable times, I often become deceived and believe that I am capable of going it alone. But I am not. I am a sinner, I continually mess up. And, so, He brings me to my knees only to reveal to me, yet again, that I need Him.

So, what if I started living in such a bold way that I had to lean on Him everyday? What if everyday took so much courage, that I had to be like, "Okay, Jesus I need you. I cannot do any of this without you"? How much would I learn about my incredible Father?

You see, the beauty isn't in the rising up and overcoming hardships and entering into a blessed, perfect life. No, the beautiful faith is always in the stumbling, the falling on knees all too often, the proclaiming of His goodness in the very midst of pain-- not on the other side. Because it's always easy to proclaim God's goodness when the hardships are a thing of the past and your reward is already in your hands. But choosing to walk alongside Him in the darkness, filled with tears and tribulation, being surrounded by pain and hurt and yet choosing to point up and say, "My God is so good. He is still good and I still choose to walk with Him," that is inspirational faith. That is the faith I want to portray. I don't want an easy life... I want a life that makes absolutely no sense to continue living without God.